Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
