he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
