Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
