i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
