sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
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Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I have grass duct taped all over my body
You pole danced in your parka.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
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I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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