think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Randomize
