so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
