Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
