Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
where am i from again
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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