This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
