I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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