My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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