I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
