When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
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