You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
