ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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