There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
