This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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