he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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