I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
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I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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