i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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