I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
