My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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