Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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