Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
