you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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