It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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