Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
