we're blogging at a bar
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
