You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Randomize