I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
