This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
