Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
