She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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