ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I just found puke in my bra..
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
