Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize