Will you blow on my dice?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
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You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
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Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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