after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
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One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
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Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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