Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
