Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I AM VODKA MAN
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
