i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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