He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
