You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
