Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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