new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
someone owes me an orgasm
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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