Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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