I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
