Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
