Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
