I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
