I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
