I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Who died my cat blue again?
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