The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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