Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
