I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
