FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
