She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
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I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.