I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Randomize
