He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
All the doctor said was why
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
