I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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